Welcoming the New Me....Fearless

Everyone has experienced loneliness, doubt, insecurities and the like. It's when we allow those things to overtake us that we do things we never thought we would.

At a low time in my life when I separated from my husband, I allowed loneliness and hurt to overtake me and entered into a relationship with someone else. This man wasn't sent by God to help nor "fix" me. All I could see was that someone was there to comfort me, talk to me but you know what?
The loneliness and hurt remained because I was just going further and further away from the things of Christ.

When I should have turned to God and cried out to Him to fill me. I did not. When I should have reached out to family and friends who I knew without a doubt would cover me in prayers and fight with me. I did not.
I couldn't fight my fears alone but I didn't want to seem weak or vulnerable on the outside.

Crumbling inside, I began attending church less, not speaking with my family as I should, my children still had "me" but I was not the "me" they've always known or had. I began shutting people out that would tell me about myself. I put on this front of happiness in the relationship that I found myself in. I was convicting myself but not allowing God to truly convict me.

People, loneliness will make you do some crazy things.

Today I walk in total forgiveness of self. I laid my heart bare before my children and my God. I'm no longer fearful of what tomorrow may bring because I have this crazy peace that I can't really explain. I can rest in all certainty that I know where I will spend eternity (and that's a beautiful thang!)



Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalms 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.


Christ's love is loyal.

Grumpy Grouch.....

You ever wake up and are just pissed (sorry Dad) and mad at the world? Well do you??

This morning, as I opened my eyes, wiping away eye boogers and crust, I could feel my eyebrows beginning to take form of the green poison control sticker guy. 

I'm angry. But why though?

I wanted to blame it on me just being a woman, you know hormonal but it has to be more than that. 

I took Paris, my children's puppy out to potty and fed her. Cleaned my kitchen, fixed a snack for my twins for school and prepared tonight's dinner. All before 6 a.m.

Still, I'm fuming. And no clue why.

Snapping at the kids when they woke up. Not cool mom. Not cool.

I had to get out of myself to try and acknowledge just where these feelings were stemming from.

Ahh, yes. And there it was.

Currently I have so many things going on in my life that I have not had the chance ( I lie, I haven't made the chance) to sit down and evaluate. This weight, these pressures had begun to become a part of me and they were beginning to invade me...even while I slept. We have to release and let our problems go in order to have peace in our lives. I am beyond guilty of trying to handle things on my own. 

Often we believe that we can handle all of our problems on our own. But sometimes that is just not the case. Sometimes we NEED other people to communicate feelings and emotions with, we NEED those people to breath new life into us and to believe in us but more so we NEED to know that we can trust God if we truly want to come out of the muck that we're in. 

I'm tough, I'm smart, I'm extremely independent but I CAN'T ALWAYS DO IT MYSELF. And I'm cool with that. :-)

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Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand. 

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Hello My Name is......

Everyone at some point in time has worn the name badge of Hurt, Lonely or Afraid.

You may think that....no one else in the world may understand...but you'd be wrong.

You may think that.... no one else in the world may hurt like you...but you'd be wrong.

When we fully give that hurt over to God, that name badge can be replaced with who He sees us as.

#HelloMyNameIsChrystal

Not Who I Use To Be

Why is it so hard to believe that people CAN change for the better.  We remember the hawt mess they were but forget the hawt messes we use to be?

" I Don't Wanna "....Grown and Pouting

We've all heard the saying, "there is someone out that who would to trade the problems they have for yours" or something like that. Any who, sometimes I just don't care to hear about what some else is going through, I just want to bask in my own issues and pout like an over grown kid. Am I wrong? Why yes of course I am but I'm also human. So that's when I know that I'm stepping out of God's will for my life. I pull my big girl britches up and ask God to forgive my selfishness and I extend myself to helping others the more.

Be An Ear

"Suffering in silence
Smiles that hide broken hearts
Pillows soaked with muffled sobs
...we all hide."

Regardless of how strong you believe yourself to be, sometimes you just need someone to just listen to your heart...not talk but just listen.
Not interject with whatever they're dealing with in their own life but just listen to YOU rant, rave, cry and even scream if you have to about YOU.

People, they're are so many hurting in silence but they're afraid to turn to you because they believe you won't value their heart, their experience.

#BeAnEar

Friend or Fiend???

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, a friend is a person who you like being with as well as a person who helps or supports someone or something.

I'd like to go even further and suggest that a friend encourages, strengthens, builds and feeds life and newness into your character. They'd never allow you to go astray but if they saw that you were, they'd immediately bring you back to reality.

I think that sometimes the longing desire to have someone to call a friend, can cloud our judgment and we end up with a fiend instead. These people mean us no good, they plot against us and know our flaws only to use them against us,

What God says about friendship....

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Proverbs 27:9 

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Sitting here, I'm thinking to myself just what kind of friend am I. Am I truly supportive and encouraging to them? Am I one that they can rely on no matter what? Will I pray for them? Could I offer brutal honesty to them when they're dead wrong?

What kind of friend are you?

Be the rainbow in some else's cloud.

   --- Dr. Maya Angelou

Love Letter to Monday

Dear Monday,


I was not looking forward to greeting you at 5 a.m. to begin our day. The crust still in their eyes, the 5 or 6 times I've called all of their names to wake them before they finally began to stir around. The rushing, the scrambling, forgetting of the snacks, a handwritten memo to a teacher, last minute medicine dosages, reminders of numerous bills to be paid...all before heading out the door.

Monday, you know what? One thing is for certain, I'm so glad we had the opportunity to open our eyes on this side, another chance to hug my babies and tell them "I love you" and another chance to pray over and with them.

Here's looking forward to the rest of the week!!

Always,

Chrystal

Complexities of the Heart

We ask for love to come into our lives but when it does.

We abandon it and then we're left in wonderment on why it has gone away.

Hopefully one day we'll get it all figured out.

The Heart of A Mother

I wrap my children in my arms
Embed them in my heart
So that when the storm is too much
And when there is no one else
That they can rely on.............
I am here.

Humanistic Approach At Love...and Why That Doesn't Work...

Everybody is out here with the same basic need and desire to love and be loved in return. 
And ain't nobody willing to go above and beyond to achieve it. (well some are)

I don't think that many people truly understand what it fully means to love another. Why is that? Because many times we base our love for someone on their appearance, what they can do for us and how they make us feel...at the moment. But what about when they're all old, gray and fat...will you still love them? And what about if they love their job or have a significant deduction in pay....will you still love them? Furthermore, what if they offend you in some way and/or hurt you....will you still love them?

God loved the world so much that He gave His son's life for it.....The world who would turn to false doctrines, live corruptly and hate His son.

Christ loved the church that He gave His life for it......The church who would say that He was a false prophet and lead to His crucifixion and not to mention His own discipline that would turn him over for 30 silver coins.

We are loved by God UNCONDITIONALLY  for no rhyme or reason whatsoever, other than the fact that He genuinely and thoroughly loves us just for being who He created us to be. We don't have to be perfect, it doesn't matter what we look like, how we dress, who we vote for etc etc.

We as humans can not possibly grasp His type of love or give His type of love if we don't have a relationship with Him. 

Straight Talk Praises

For years I've had numerous cell phone carriers and each of them ended up being money  hungry companies whose services where terrible. Since taking heed from my sister and bro-in-love about their praises of Straight Talk and it's countless benefits, I decided to see what the hype was all about.

I didn't think that I would be able to truly have a service where my monthly bill was only $45 (+ taxes) per month, nor did I believe that I would be able to access the internet like I wanted (or like my children wanted since they love to download all types of game apps to MY phone (they've gotta get their own soon!!) ) I know that within this last year, I've saved over $500 NO KIDDING!

Recently I needed to change my phone number due to some aggravating callers and people looking for the wrong person all the time smh (that got old) so I called Straight Talk up and within less than 30 minutes I had a new phone number!

I currently have a Huawei Windows Phone (which is FABULOUS!!). I was walking through my local mall and came across a Straight Talk vending machine, read the description of the phone and knew that I had to have it. Many people think that it's some $600 phone and and shocked when I tell them that it is not!

Straight Talk has the best value for your money, offer some of the latest model cell phones including Smart phones, and their customer service is top rate!
#StraightTalk

Happy Father's Day??????

With Father's Day quickly approaching I know that many of my single and some married mother Facebook friends may have a few stones to throw at their children's fathers. Some may even want to be recognized on that day as well.
I have something to tell you and it's not a secret. We can not replace the men that we chose to be the fathers of our children. Bashing them and name calling especially in front of our children does nothing more than merely highlight our own hurt, selfishness, pity, or hatred towards him. No child needs to hear that their father is no good, doesn't care, etc etc if he is, the child was eventually find out on their own.
Have I spoken against and about my kids dad to them you ask? Heck yeah, I have. But in order to show my children just what God's love actually means, I have to STOP! Is that an easy road to walk, OMG no. It's so easy to remember the hurt that our children's fathers have put us through, the wrongs they've done in the relationship while we forget our own.

I'm not saying be friends with him but at least give him that same respect that you seek as being a parent to your children as well.

Relationship 101...The End

Going through a separation is difficult for all parties involved...right? Unless you're secretly dancing on the inside because you're happy to be DONE with your spouse. ;-)

I try not to be cynical when it comes to matters of the heart a.k.a. love but sometimes I don't know. Coming out of a marriage where there was never any love doesn't have to result in your heart being blackened or thinking that "it" (love) will NEVER happen.


Shhh...but I AM dancing ;-)

Meanderings

Rain beating against the window pane
A puppy's sloppy kisses
Hugs from my children
The haughty laughter of friends
God's love

Relationships.....The Fixer Mentality

I grew up in a household in which my parents were married and I had two younger siblings. I knew that my parents loved each other and that they loved us......
So how the HellO I got myself in the "love" situations that I did????????? 


I've asked myself that question countless times......

There had to be something wrong with me right, right??

Well into my 30's and married, I had an epiphany.... I was the fixer. 

A fixer, according to Merriam- Webster, is a person who adjusts matters or disputes by negotiation. I thought that I could fix whatever issue these men faced, or fix something about their character/personality. I was so accommodating, willing to do whatever to make sure that they knew that I was "THERE" for them. All the time I was "fixing" I was getting, for a lack of better words, screwed over. Who could help the fixer? 

Anyway, once I owned up to being the fixer type, I knew that I had to take drastic measures to severe that characteristic from who I really was. I had to IMMEDIATELY STOP trying to fix! I had to know and realize my value and what I could offer my relationship and I had to be prepared for any and all consequences. 


1. You CAN NOT fix a man (woman). That individual will change when they're ready to.
2. You CAN NOT fix every situation that someone faces. That's actually hindering them from taking the responsibility to correct their own problems.
3. You do NOT have to be a fixer!!! 

You love them, You love them not...

Being in love with someone is totally different and separate in itself from just saying that you love someone.

<3 When you're in love, you love everything about him/her, flaws and all, but you will realize that you can not/should not want to change them. You want the best for them, you can see a future with him/her and if you're a believer you know that God needs to be in the mix! <3

<3 Some people say, "I love you" because they want something from you. Others say it because they think that's what you want to hear. And then you have those who say it because they just like the IDEA of being in love. Not to forget about those that blurt it out if the sex is good (just being honest). Lastly, there are those confused folk who don't know if they love you or not but they say it anyway (who does that??). <3

People before you go loosely throwing LOVE around, think about its ramifications....

 Song of Solomon 8: 4,7...Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Love Me

Love me
Not 'cause the sex is good
Love me
Not 'cause you think you could
Love me
Not 'cause you don't want to be alone
Love me
Cause I'm flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone
Love me
Cause you want that 1Corinthians 13:4-13 type deal
Love me
Cause without me, your existence could never be real
Love me

-----Bejoe

Zhane - Everything Happens For a Reason w/ Lyrics

When Love Hurts......

Okay I know for the most part, I've maintained a sense of humor throughout most of my blog post. But not this time......

It's so easy to throw out words when you're arguing with your spouse but you'll never be able to take those hurtful words back. Throwing out words like divorce and separation, get really old really quickly. You've created a festering wound in the one you claimed to love once upon a time, they'll build up a wall and declare that you'll never hurt them again. If you don't mean those words DON'T SAY THEM. But whatever you do don't continue to go about your usual day to day rigmarole and "forget" that you've been hurtful and spoken hurtful words and expect your mate to have forgotten what you've said...believe me they haven't.

Things will never be the same....